Grace

Well, it's Monday. And that either means a fresh start, or a groan and a new headache. We'll see which. Lately, life has been kicking my butt. I feel pulled in too many different directions and I don't like the person I am when I'm spread too thin.

Last week, I heard a ring at the door and one of my dearest friends "anonymously" doorbell ditched me and left these beautiful roses. She knew I had been having a rough time, and the sentiment made tears spring to my eyes.

Seth and I were talking recently about how it's easy to feel invisible. I have so many wonderful, supportive friends and family members, but I often feel like I'm taking on the world alone. Seth remarked that I put off an air that I have everything together. It's why he was intimidated by me when we first met. (I was just shy.) This perceived strength is often compensation for the opposite, but I am unfortunately horrible at asking for help. I just build my walls higher, hoping I can continue to do it all myself. But really, I need love and support. Just like everyone else.

I wanted some photos to hold on to the way I felt from receiving such a simple gesture. So I took the roses out of their paper and tied my favorite silk scarf around them. They were fully open, nearing the end of their life, and this only made them more beautiful.

While I tied them together, some began dropping their petals. As roses do when they're at this stage, big clusters of petals effortlessly floated to the ground. I was struck by the grace of these roses. They knew they had lived their life, provided the beauty and joy they were created to provide, and could now just let go with contented ease. It made me fall in love with them even more.

Is it weird to be so emotionally affected by flowers? Probably.

Regardless, I think that was a lesson I need to learn. When I've done all I can do, I want to learn to let go and show the maturity and grace I felt the roses possessed. I want to feel joy in what I am able to do, and see that as enough. To know that I'm enough.

I also hope I can have the grace to pay this kind act forward. I want to give simple, but meaningful gestures to loved ones in need. I want to learn to question people about how they're doing, and keep asking. Because it's better to annoy them with questions than to let them feel alone behind their walls. I hope to become more aware of others' struggles and be a more charitable person.

My new motto, until I can pull myself out of this overwhelming rut, and hopefully long after, is "grace."

*amber*